Apparently, casually buying old junk for decades was not enough.
Now we need credentials.
Introducing the first official Junk Is My Life Foraging Badges — for those of us who have stopped pretending this is a hobby and are ready to be formally recognized for our highly specialized vintage-related nonsense.
Are you a Crock Collector who can spot cobalt decoration from three booths away?
A Primitive Purist who sees an old dry cupboard and immediately starts rearranging furniture in your head?
A Butter Pat Stacker who absolutely does NOT need another tiny dish but somehow owns 47 of them?
Perhaps you're a Wooden Bowl Enthusiast, helpless against 150 years of patina and questionable sanitation.
Maybe you're a Vintage Quilt Connoisseur who will unfold an entire quilt in a stranger's driveway at 6:43 a.m. to inspect the stitching.
A Barn Sale Explorer willing to follow a crooked cardboard sign down a gravel road with absolutely no evidence anything good awaits you?
Or—and I say this with love—a complete Basket Case.
FINALLY.
YOUR PEOPLE HAVE FOUND YOU.
The first seven Junk Is My Life Foraging Badges have officially been released as stickers.
COLLECT THE ENTIRE SET LIKE THE COMPLETELY RATIONAL, SELF-CONTROLLED ADULT WE BOTH KNOW YOU ARE.
And before anyone asks:
Yes, there will be more.
No, this will probably not remain under control.
And yes, I am already thinking about what you people need to be certified in next.